I don’t want to escape anymore

at least not as a preoccupation or to try to give meaning to my life.

I don’t want to be a digital nomad, at least not in the sense of being a solo traveler. Maybe an expat in a third country, ok, maybe someday.

But in my heart of hearts I know I don’t really want to move.

I know this is a strange post for a travel blog, but so much of what I have seen from the travel industry is diametrically opposed to all that I stand for, and all that travel brought me.

And if I overuse/abuse travel, it will be just another escape, and more specifically, I don’t want to escape anymore.

 

Yes, I do want to travel , but in ways that will help me learn in a free flowing environment. That is what I love about travel, the reality of it. Not the fakeness of a package holiday or seeing all the sights on my itinerary.

What I really love about travel, and what I really love about life, is the mystery, the unexpected, and the fact that it makes you feel so much.

I don’t want to live my life with my clothes in suitcases. I don’t want to not unpack because I”m just going to leave at the first opportunity anyway.

I don’t want to leave, I want to stay, and have things, and a job, and mosty, people and a special perosn, worth staying for.

In the absence of those things, I looked at leaving as the real moment of my life, and to a large extent, it was, and this s a passage through time and life and space that cannot be replaced by anything.

But in my heart, I don’t want to travel anymore, I want to learn, I want to lead, I want to explore, and most of all, I want to grow.

And right now that means two things

  1. following the call of my heart to go on trips that are really deeply meaningful to me and not just weekend escapes
  2. planting myself, and letting myself create a life I fall in love with, and people too.

I m so excited fo rmy upcoming trip to India and I am so grateful for every trip I’ve taken, even those that didn’t conform my expectations at all. Every quest was something I need to fulfill in order to see that we create, nay, we allow our own meanings.

And the Sacred finds us where it is, whether that’s where we want it to our not, and it’s up to hold that space.

For something special, for the mystery.

And right now the mystery of my life is not so much that I want to escape from teh open sky in the four strong walls I would like to buy myself, bu tthat I want to let myself care more than ever before. I want to love, knowing anything could happen and my heart to be broken. I want none of this to matter to the point that I am completely in the momen tand not disappointed by pans that change or past expeditions that didn’t work out as expected.

I’ve looked into some of my deep dark bad habits, and you know theyhave one thing in common- escape to finally live life, because it’s not back there were you are, and you have to undertake a magical quest and receive all kinds of divine wisdom and favors before you can attain it. But the truth is quite different.

I am not a corporate slave, and I am not a hippie.

Going where the wind blows me also means growing where it plants me.

And for now, I am planted here, and I wish only that my roots get deeper, that this life benefit from every sweet tear I have ever shred in the life that something must be something eother, better, different whilst simutalenously knowing this is it, and it’s pretty good.

And yeah, some part of my motivation came from loneliness, because you are never lonely on the road.

But now I am still on the road, in some way, or rather that everything I have learned will help me. But more important, that I have moved to a new stage of liefe.

And I am grateful to be someone I’ve never been before.

And thankful, s o thankful, for the unexpected blessings that come when you least expect them.

Namaste

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